like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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