dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
