Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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