nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
