I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
