wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
