we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
a search helicopter?!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
