Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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