As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
