I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
