I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
