Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
