He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
