She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
