i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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