i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
