ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
