we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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