Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
