my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
