we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
