FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
