Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
