tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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