Moan for me like Helen Keller
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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