I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
