You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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