He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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