So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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