I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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