After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Randomize
