Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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