If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
