i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
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