so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
