hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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