Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
