The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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