I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
