Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
