You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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