I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
we're so committed to being not committed
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
