Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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