Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
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