you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My breasts were aching with rage.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
