i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
stop calling my apartment porn island.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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