Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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