i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
