you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
