i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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