im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
