I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
