There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
