My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
