I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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