also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Randomize
